Friday, December 16, 2011

Oy

Okay... I'm finally ready to blog about this... (I started blogging about this Friday but wanted to fully think it through before doing so... hence the date of the 16th... I'm actually writing this on the 19th... not that you even care. :) )

Reese was bit at school on Friday. Pretty vicious huh? This is THREE hours after the offense. Today it's a bruise... not huge, but fairly noticeable. She could care less. :)

I really wanted to make sure I discovered all the facts before I reported on such an incident because I know what it's like to a) have your parenting techniques questioned, and b) have a biter. I hate nothing more than parents who think they (and their children) are holier than thou... prepared to jump on the practices of others... when in fact they haven't been through it themselves, are delusional by the actions of their own child, or just think they are better than you. Being a parent is HARD, and to know that others don't think you're doing if right frankly is pretty devastating. I'm not the perfect mother, but I'm a damn good one who learns from the things I do great and from the things I fail at miserably.

I'm hard on my kids. Not in a "jump/how high?" kind of a way, but in a way that I'm teaching them to be a successful part of society. I could care less if they want to be doctors or artists... major is Astrophysics or Under water basket weaving. I love my kids. I don't always love their behavior, but I love them. And frankly... they will learn to behave themselves. Do they go to timeout, get sent to their rooms, get their toys taken away, egads... even get yelled at... yes, yes, yes, and yes. Do we also talk things through, explain to our kids right from wrong, love our kids, hug our kids, kiss our kids 'til they are embarrassed... yeah... go figure... we do that too.

Truth is Emma Grace was a biter... and a hitter for that matter. She was vicious. I tolerated the biting as long as I could... "no!"... putting her down if I was holding her... nothing was clicking. It wasn't until she bit Reese, that I bit her back. Took twice, and she was over that little adventure. Hitting took more practice. A LOT OF DISCUSSION... she still sometimes hits, but it's more in a playing manner when she gets super excited... STILL NOT OKAY, and we're still working on it. But that's what we try to do... we try to work on things, put ourselves in other parents' shoes before we go on the attack and judge. Something I really think others could benefit from.

So here's what happened... Reese was playing with another child on the playground, went in for a hug, and the girl bit her... on the face. HORRIBLE right? Especially when I find out that Reese seemingly did NOTHING to instigate the bite, nor did she retaliate. That's my girl! However, I know the other child and her mother well, and I knew how EXTREMELY out of character this was. We've pretty much come to the conclusion that it dealt with territorial issues. Both of us have discussed the matter with our children... different ways it could have been handled, other options they have. Reese's faux pas in this whole thing is that she didn't tell her teachers when it went down. We've since discussed with her that any time someone harms her or makes her feel uncomfortable, she's to tell an adult. When we got home from school Friday I drilled Reese. While we make a big deal about hurting others, Reese has been off the last couple of weeks. We have all kinds of things going on here at the house, and she's just been a little rambunctious. I actually had just mentioned it to her teacher that morning wondering how her behavior had been at school. PERFECT! Was the response I got... while that's frustrating for me with her at home... at least I know she's listening and being a great friend at school. I thought FOR SURE she did something first... I would have bet my life on it. And to find out she really was the victim made me feel both relief and horrible. I felt relieved because she is in fact learning from me... it's not okay to be ugly to others. I felt horrible because I didn't have enough faith in her to think she was innocent... when in reality maybe I didn't have enough faith in myself that I taught her to behave herself.

Parenting is hard. No matter how great you think your kid is... they are still a kid, they are naughty, and you still have to teach them... choose to do that... no matter how hard it is. Don't judge other parents/children unless you have the facts... otherwise... in MY OPINION... you just look like as ass. And on the flip side... no matter how HARD you think you have it... it's just as hard for everyone else... it may be DIFFERENT... but it's ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO EASIER.

PS... I love Reese's school... I love love the teachers/director... they handled the entire situation like professionals. Professionals that truly care about each and every child they teach every day. That's rare... we're very lucky.

PPS/PSS... This is not the hormones talking. :)

1 comments:

Heather said...

wow...you go girl. Jersey might have come out if M came home with that whopper on his cheek...haha j/k. Ditto on the parenting is hard, but it sounds like you are doing a great job! :)