Friday, October 22, 2010

Things are a changin'

Rachel here. I haven't posted monthly goals for myself in... well... months. Life got chaotic... life got busy. My life has been given to my girls. Truth is we need to make some changes around here. I need to make some changes around here.

I have horrible time management skills, but I know in order to get things done around here, sacrifices have to be made. We're used to sacrifices. We sacrifice new clothes and opt for second hand, Bryan and I sacrifice alone time together so that he can have every waking moment with his girls that he can get, I sacrifice pedicures and haircuts and trips to the gym because if my kids are awake I want that time to be spent with them. I even sacrifice my own sanity by not "working." Many of the blogs that I read are written by stay at home moms just like myself. Moms that are trying to do the best for their children. I'm in no way saying that mothers who don't stay home with their children are doing a disservice to their children... no way am I saying that. Truth is... sometimes I envy moms that get to "leave". I spend ALL DAY LONG wiping noses, wiping butts, taking the brunt of hitting toddlers and screaming preschoolers, "cooking" mediocre meals, cleaning up after said meals, cleaning up 10,345 different messes throughout the day, and watching my two girls jump with glee when fun Daddy comes in from a long day at work. I have moments where I want to throw in the towel. I look around and constantly see something that needs to be done, but I don't have the energy or more importantly the drive to do it. I should be doing more.

Gone are the hours spent watching useless television after the girls go to bed when there is a sink full of dishes. Gone are the meals where I pull a bag out of the freezer, throw it in the microwave, put it on a plate and call it a meal. Gone are the days where I shove baskets of useless stuff into the garage, laundry room, or even our bedroom... out of sight... out of mind. Gone are the days of me complaining. I hate complainers. HATE complainers. Gone are the days of my temper/emotions getting the best of me. Back are the days of feeding my children only the best (of course we're entitled to the occasional junk... we're American for God's sake), back are the days of taking care of myself while also taking care of my children, back are the days of having a nice dinner alone with my husband.

Here are the days that I want to live life to the fullest... with my children... with my husband... being the best that I can be. I don't want to be perfect... just better. I don't want to be able to do it all... just more. I wasn't giving enough of myself to anything, and now... things are a changin'.